Fucking people who say they’ll fucking help you when they don’t fucking give two shits about what you do and bullshit you for a week. Fuck them all.
Man, writing a psychopathic teen is a pain in the ass. Mostly because I want to fucking beat her since she doesn’t doubt when she’s emotionally manipulating the people that love her. WHY U SO COMPLICATED ABIGAIL.
Sometimes I wonder what the average reader of AO3 enjoys. I wrote (and need to update, I know. But I won’t do it until inspiration strikes) two stories that had a relatively good acceptance and +100 kudos. Despite what people told me, I’m not entirely satisfied with them (with the exception of the Bane/Blake one which I guess the plot is decent and relatively coherent) and now when I post a fic I’m truly fond of, I get… 8 kudos.
I know, I know, kudos don’t reflect quality but now I start to wonder if the argumentum ad populum rule applies here.
Perhaps it’s because my hannigail fic contains truly mature items (rape, abuse, murder, emotional manipulation, death among others) and the warnings scare people away? But I have to tag it to prevent people from reading something that might trigger something awful in them.
I also know that I shouldn’t write to charm a public but I have a low self-esteem and I need recognition. Yeah, I absolutely admit it and I have to say it because that’s the truth and at least 70% of the writers possibly expect the same. So, discarding all the alternatives I come to the conclusion that I suck as a writer and I shouldn’t publish, just keep the stories for myself and end the problem. But the fact is that I DO WANT people to read them. I want them to enjoy them reading as much as I did writing them.
I try to improve my writing skills. My grammar errors are very few now and I do my best to apply all the immensely useful literary classes I got from i-am-jason-grace, first first fantastic beta reader but it seems like my writing went down in quality and I “tell” instead of “showing” among other things. So I don’t know what to do. I’ve read some fics that have 1000 kudos (mostly smut and hey, I write sex too but it has a very specific purpose and it goes strictly hand in hand with reflecting the character’s take on the situation) and are literary shit in plot and style and they get more recognition than others who are poetry, a feast for your eyes.
*sigh* I should shut up now.
People can be dicks, you know.
I’m a generous person and I can’t help myself wanting to help others, even as doing little things like icons for roleplaying. I mean, it does take time to get the caps, edit them and resize them for use. So I make +50 icons or gifs for my so called friends and what happens next? They don’t use them. Do I suck that much or they are plain imbeciles?
Lesson of the story: never going to waste my time for nothing for anyone else again.